It’s been years I guess. I haven’t been able to travel this far and long at my heart’s content.
I scoured alone the streets of Thailand, Malaysia and Singapore for 10 days this past two weeks.
I would like to emphasize, till my heart was about to blow and my body lost its strength and I slept like a baby for more than 10 hours when I got home. Mind you, I usually only get 3-4 hours of sleep.
After meeting some friends afterwards, one question that was asked that took my attention was if I became lonely travelling alone on all those cities and spectacular places.
There are times of course when you see sweet couples on the subways or families dining together beside you on the restaurants. It made my heart cringe a bit and hope for the same of course. But these scenes do make me smile actually. They say sometimes you won’t realize and feel the importance of each moment until you are no longer there. It brought back memories of what I had and the experiences and feelings they brought. I am glad I experienced those and that they are experiencing it too.
But I guess until you have travelled alone, you will never really understand what kind of happiness it brings to have all the seconds, minutes and hours for yourself to decide.
You wake up any time you want, you eat anything you like. You walk anywhere your feet bring you. You travel to any destination your heart desires. At first, I thought I was going mad with all the excitement that I was feeling. Imagine the whole world waiting for you, just waiting for your feet to move and explore. The first time I got off from my hotel doors, I could not decide whether I will go left, right, forward, backwards… I end up just going around, turning and turning, laughing at myself, trying to hide from the bystanders the wild and crazy beating of my heart as it seems to struggle to burst out. Guess you can say, like a bird that just got its wings back and out from its cage, I flew with the wind on the open wild.
Don’t get me wrong, this was like when I started my family, especially when my son, Marcus was born. The joy was incomparable. But I won’t lie and say that the duties and responsibilities don’t wear you down as time goes by. As my wife and I started to grow apart with our different views and personalities, guess the closeness also fell apart. I am not saying I no longer like taking care of my family. My wife and I have been separated for a few months now. We talk and do what we can for our son Marcus. We even went to Boracay with Marcus even if we were already living apart. I can tell you the feeling of taking care of my wife does not go away. Aside from she’s the mother of my son, the feeling of importance does not really go away. I still think of the best thing I can get her when I go back and her coming birthday. I doubt the feeling will go away but I guess let’s see as time goes on.
A friend of mine wanted to compare which one is better. I told him, you can’t really compare as the feeling of being with your family and the freedom of being able to do whatever you want on your own is really quite different. Guess I am just lucky I am able to experience both.
Now, I get to spend time with our son anytime I like when I go there. As soon as I leave their house, I can do my work, have time for my passions, play my online games, and write in this blog whenever and wherever. I eat when I get hungry. I go wherever my feet brings me. Guess it also helps that I left the employee routine and started my own business. I am also able to venture in any business I want without any one telling me what to do.
Do I ever feel lonely? Of course! But there is just so much in this world to do and there are just so many places I still want to go to and experience. Right now, I just feel like I’m Mel Gibson in Braveheart, shouting “Freedom!!”